Yesterday, to be exact, I started freaking out about my graduate school applications (before I even started) and began to have a huge feeling of doubt. My grades aren't that great. My GRE scores are alright, I don't have a good professor letter of rec, and ultimately the biggest statement of doubt, "I feel stupid."
I freaked out, wished someone was there to hug me and believe in me (although even with that I know won't really do much good in the long run), and then sat up in my bed and got a tissue because I needed to calm down. Then I remembered the young girls that I met in Vietnam that didn't believe in themselves, and I thought to myself how silly of me to think the same thing. How easy it was for me to think the same thing, and after all, I've graduated from a top University, was Salutatorian of my high school, have a full time job in Los Angeles, and lastly, live in America. Ridiculous how doubt can consume a person and make me think that I'm not capable of or that my existence sucks. I'm not saying this feeling isn't within me still, grad school is a scary process. One that I avoided last year because I wanted to focus on finding a job. Another day, another monster.
At the end of September I will get the opportunity to go to Chicago to speak at my work's Affiliate conference called the "Advancing Justice Conference." Afterwards I will travel to New York, Boston, Washington D.C. and Baltimore.
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With my book shelf up and my desk in useful condition, I've settled into my room quiet nicely and it's now comfortable - for the most part.
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