25 years.

I feel doubt and fear as I approach the end of August - this is around the same time that I returned from Vietnam last year. I wonder where this sense of fear and doubt stems from especially when I really have not much to be scared of nor do I have nothing to doubt. It's all in my head. Don't be guided by fear. I guess I really have nothing to lose, I just have to focus and trust my instincts and my guts and whatever else is inside me. I've lost much of my ability to see my potential - my support network - those that saw the beauty in me are not around me anymore.

Be myself. Be who I can be. Be what it is that I was set out for. Focus on your talents. Focus on what you are good at. People like you for a reason. They find beauty in me - it's just so easy to get lost and disheartened by things when you aren't surrounded by people who see your potential. I don't get much encouragement at work. At work I am all on my own. In Los Angeles, I am all on my own. I haven't had anyone to process what happened to me in Vietnam and what happened to me in Berkeley, I don't have anyone but this blog of mine and a handful of close friends who are in distant cities and states.

What happened in the last 25 years?

My journey has been a short one and who knows when it will end. It's so difficult to be present here in America. I often feel uninspired and disconnected. Although I have had great moments in L.A. those that I won't forget. I want to get that freshness in my eyes again. I want to feel rested and ready for whatever is going to go my way. I want to be revitalized and energized to move forward in this life of mine. I want to gather my experiences together and really move towards a direction that is meaningful and makes me happy.

What keeps me energized and ready? Art. Laughter of friends. Recognition. Real love. Being a passenger. Public transportation. Potential. Writing. Colors. Patterns. Getting familiar with a city. Learning new things about myself. New lights.

I'm going to be okay.