Idleness.

How I miss it. Realizing what is in front of you rather than anything else. I understood this in Vietnam to such an extent that it was so very a part of my life. To realize what is in front of you and to take hold of it. At the same time it was good to dream. It was good to dream what was possible because if I kept looking at what was in front of me it would make me sad. Slowly though I realized what was in front of me was really beautiful it was undoubtedly resilient and something that I could never be. I try to find the beauty of everything that surrounds me, the difficult task is for others to realize it without it exhausting me.

Trying to maintain my sense of self while letting go. I really need to take care of myself. While I would say that the month of June was good to me, I let go of my health and eating right. I haven't jogged in a long time and will return to it soon. Last night my friend Patricia called me and one of the things she said was that "we are both so beautiful!" I laughed because this was such a simple statement but it has taken me 25 years to truly realize it. 

I asked myself this morning, what was it that I enjoyed. If I have the money what would I do. Lately I've been getting my paycheck stubs and not even thinking twice about it. My mind drew a blank. I've been so "work busy" this past two months that I haven't really rewarded myself. What would I do to reward myself for my hard work? What would I do to bring my vision to the surface? 

Personally I think I would work on my blog and writing more. I would do a better job of getting my photos up and organizing them. I know I'm a creative individual that can create things. Perhaps that is it, my creativity has been put on a hold. I have been trying to please others, to get to know others that I forgot who I was at my core. This is not to say that I haven't had a great time. In fact, I think it's been such a fun month I will remember it fondly. But the idleness, how I miss the creativity that surfaces during the idleness.