Time to start the process.

7 days into July I find myself in recovery from the month of June. I find it funny because all this time I realized that the Universe does listen to me. I'm sorry. I realized it's only when I ask, when I genuinely truly ask from the bottom of my heart does it listen to me. I don't mean to ask through uttered words or questions, but to subconsciously really ask. I realized that each time I asked for something it required a great deal of energy from my behalf. It required sadness and vulnerability, rejection and risk. L.A.'s wanted me for a long time. It's been waiting for my return or perhaps my arrival.

I'm going to ask it another question soon. Something about my future paths that I will take, particularly next August. I hope it to take me on another adventure to push me ways that I didn't think possible for me to step out of my fears and to live life passionately and wholesome. My friend said that finding that niche takes time, authors can write hundreds and hundreds of papers before they find that idea for their next book. What is that idea you want to pursue Kim? Why academics? What is it that you want to prove? What is it that you want to do and how does a particular graduate school program do that for you?

You are worthy and any school would be lucky to have you. If the school doesn't want you then it just isn't the right fit, not a reflection of your self worth. So what school will make me feel my self worth? What will make my self worth grow?

These are the questions that are facing me as July comes on by and I want to be in the right state of mind to think about these things. I want to make time for myself. Selfishly for myself to reflect and think about these things. You know when you pull an tension string and it vibrates back and forth? I've felt that way for the last year or so. It's almost been a year since I've returned and still the memories, the friendships, the relationships, the emotions linger of my experience there.

Now that time and money is my own, what tools do I need to successfully or more easily bring me there?

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Of course the latter option is that I can also just be. Silly human thoughts on a Sunday. I won't know the answers until I read them.

Only the fool stares at the finger that points at the sky.

Put your worries on the shelf and learn to love yourself.