Let's feed your soul shall we?

Lately I've been telling people that I have nothing to lose and it goes something like this:

Crazy...Blah blah blah I'm confused blah blah blah...
Yeah?
But I have nothing to lose.

Totoro!!!!! Because I can.

I'm not sure why, but I've never felt this more strongly than ever. I suppose it's my recent close observations of old people that heightens this feeling for me. Shit...I'm not going to look or feel like this forever. Perhaps it's my childhood slipping from me. To feel your childhood slip away is disheartening. Have you ever felt that? Ever felt sad that your imagination can no longer run, your feelings can no longer be sporadic, to blame things for your naiveness?

I like combining things. I like connecting past things with the present and making them feel like one.

Before I felt like I had a lot to lose. I have a reputation. I have my dignity. I have myself. I'm fucking stubborn. As a kid I learned very early that I was not to be embarrassed. As a child I hardened myself. I protected myself and uphold this, unfortunately I didn't give myself a chance to make mistakes and be messy. I was messy a few times, I hated it, and retreated thinking that the messy was the only side of me people would see. The Ugly. The Messy. The Goodness.

Only the fool looks at the finger that points at the sky.