Sunday morning avails to little occasion.

I often wonder if what I am doing is correct or right - as if what I am doing solicits validation.

I have a feeling I may die early - only because in our youth we think that we are invincible. And as I stare at people on buses, read obituaries, hear of celebrity deaths, and see my close relatives health waning, I am beginning to realize that I am not invincible, that life will not be that long.

Sometimes I see souls dragging themselves across the hardened ground. No longer able to fly, they drag  heavily, leaving the unaltered eye curious.

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"fuck the universe" 

While in Vietnam, I read the book "The Alchemist" and I came to believe that if you put something out to the universe, the universe will listen to you. 


I put it out to the Universe. I asked it to give me a happy life. I asked it to make me content. I asked it for me to be less shy. I asked it to help me fall in love. I said "Universe, buddy, please let this happen"


A few weeks later, I said "fuck the universe."


At the same time I know my rather minute unnecessary reaction to my frustrations is not the Universe's fault. It sure feels good to blame it on the Universe doesn't it? Some imaginary higher being. It sure feels good to think that something else is controlling our lives. It sure feels good. 


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I once met a three year old who started her sentences with "When I was little..." This made me laugh because why would a child say such a thing. She was still little in my eyes. In her eyes she was not. In her eyes, time had passed and she had grown up. No longer did she play with certain toys. No longer was she unknowing. No longer was she who she was several years ago. She was three years old and she had grown up. 


I am twenty four and in my eyes I have not grown up. No longer do I imagine adulthood to be a place where life is something that can be so finite that it can be held. No longer.


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how romantic.

via postsecret

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What a sentence can do to you.