Eyes on the prize.

To imagine.
To see the world.
To feel compassion for people.
To see & understand the complexities.
To connect with others
To laugh. To feel tired. To go all out.
To love.
To create.
To give people your perceptions.
To share.
To teach others how to see & strive for the better
To use my privilege & knowledge to do so
To bask in the light
To be in a supportive space that nourishes my creativity.

Remembering the simple things.

Thanks Jeff. This makes me extremely happy.

Learned lesson #4329428

Life doesn't get easier, so don't expect it to.

Shifting noises.

Tell me that it's okay to be confused with what life throws at you. It tells me that I can find passion when I believe in who I am and when I have others that believe in who I am. This is what life is, and this is all it will ever be. That's why people will tell you it's not about the money, to enjoy life, and to make the most out of it - frankly being fixated on trying to find something that is not there will lead you into empty hallways. They will tell you to enjoy life because after years of trying to figure it out, after the so-called confusing 20's they realized they should of just enjoyed it. The 20's being stressful is a ridiculous matter. Why am I stressed? If anything I have very little to be stressed about. I'm youthful, smart, and can travel the world. What should I really be stressed about? Be smart, save money, use it wisely, don't wear your heart on your sleeve, care for people, aim for something higher, and in the end everything will be alright.

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Balance and get things done. Be happy, laugh, and do what your heart wants. Lately, I've been tired. My friends notices it too. Lately I've been telling people that I'm stressed. When people ask me how I am, I want to tell them of all the great and fantastic things I did before they asked me that question. I want to have a positive outlook on life and connect with people in that way. This has always been a difficult task for me. To open up to people, be who I am at the core, and stay that way.

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Let's practice:

I was handed a pile of papers with penciled and penned names. The numbers started at 1, 2 and with each succeeding name we progressed towards the hundreds. The names were returned victims of human trafficking in the last year. Like many, seeing the penciled and penned names I had no face to them, no story, just a number next to their name. The number of trafficked victims were so high that they no longer can keep track of them, the piles of paper getting larger and larger.


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I can't wait for the challenges of balance, school, work, family, love and life that lay ahead of me.

When I blink it will all pass.

When I think of things that I like, things that have stirred my passions it has always been color and the ability to create things within a limited framework or given select tools to do so. I haven't quiet been able to find a platform to do this, but I continue to do so with my blog. I also sorta live it, so I'm able to do this when it when given the opportunity to do so. Very seldom though do I have people asking me to create things. I wonder how I can create a platform so that I can do it on the daily, so that it can be a lived experience for me and not something that I think about. I wonder how I can get good at creating. Creating is extremely difficult and unfortunately is often second to everything else that life throws at me.

What flows? How do you flow?

I want to be able to emanate goodness and let it flow through me. I feel tasked to see every color there is possible. And that is what I leave you with tonight.

Damn, I miss these people (and others)

Thanks for the heart filled weekend in San Jose. Couldn't ask for more.

Reading.

Intimacy in Latin means "without fear, an invitation into the innermost space." [source]

Thoughts on a Sunday.

Sometimes I wonder what's the difference between removed reality and lived reality. What is considered real? As our society progresses into a virtual world where our lived experiences become digital - the definition of "real" shifts. Is real something you can physically touch? Or is real something you feel and experience despite it not being physically present in your immediate space? Perhaps that is why I hold dear to film, vintage things, and what was.

Wise words for a long Tuesday.

"we have our gut instinct and bond with people because we want it to be there and appreciate it for whatever reason"

Throughout my week I think of many titles and then forget them.

In the words of my genius quote worthy cousin, "Life."

Her eyes veer straight ahead,
the winking breeze tells her 
to run the river.

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Lately I've been writing sad posts littered with confusion and a dazed tone highlighted by run-on sentences. How unfortunate. I was told by who knows what that knowledge is invaluable and something that cannot be taken away from you. Shared knowledge is even more valuable and as I pursue my studies I'm actually very excited for the challenge. I feel that I am at a very lucky stage in my life. I'm smart, remotely pretty, young, and well-traveled. Yeah, I'm insecure and have way too many fears to count but at the same time I have a strong sense of self and generally have my shit together for the most part. I'm creative and observant. The first adjective I know, the second one I learned while in Vietnam. I wonder what the next adjective will be. Three is nice.

On another note, I'm going to share my graduate school application process with you because it's a scary one and you know quiet frankly these grad school forums that I've been frantically reading are not so human. So here's to being human. Right now I am asking for letter of recommendations. It is like asking a boy or girl out on a date when you are not sure whether they will say yes or not. Seeing that I've never actually asked a boy out on a date - this process is shit scary and getting rejected is not fun. I've narrowed it down to four programs which excite me:

·      John Hopkins University Bloomberg School of Public Health

MPH – Health in Crisis and Humanitarian Assistance 

·      Harvard University School of Public Health

SM Global Health and Population 

·      Columbia University Mailman School of Public Health

MPH Population and Family Health – Global Health Certificate 

·      Emory Rollins School of Public Health

MPH Global Health - Reproductive Health and Population Studies Concentration 

It's taken me hours of research and well over a year to narrow it down to these four. More so it took me hours of stress and mentally getting ready to choose programs. I don't want to go to any other school. I've also looked at the University of Washington in Seattle and George Washington University in D.C. but those don't have the type of global perspective that I'm looking for. I also considered UC Berkeley and UCLA but again those programs aren't strong in global health.

If this doesn't pan out - then I'll just find the next mountain to climb or perhaps purchase a one way ticket to somewhere.

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Ridiculous situations call for ridiculous solutions.

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I really love Sunday comic strips. I nostalgically recall flipping through all musty grey pages dotted with colored boxes and experiences that I had yet to have. I knew what each one centered around although I don't clearly remember the titles. I read the Peanuts because it was on the front page. There was this other political one below the peanuts that I always tried reading (last) but never understood. Non - sequitor because I knew what that word meant and I liked the girl in that strip. It runs top to bottom on the far right of the insert. I loved the ones focused on parenting because I had no kids. Dilbert was funny too and it always reminded me of Drew Carey. People were friends in Sunday comics and each week the characters returned to me exactly the way they were the week previous. Time moved slowly in comics. A new baby here, a toddler grown there, characters remained ageless. It was comforting to find them each week in their little boxes going about their little lives. That was life as I knew it.

Coconut grove is a very small cove.

One of my favorite things to do is to go to shows and concerts. This past unfriendly sweltering weekend I went to the FYF Festival in Los Angeles. After seeing a few bands that I liked or knew about, I wasn't really impressed after day 1. Day 2 however was a different story. With my back was sore, my knee hurt, and my eyes tired from the number of hawaiian shirts and misappropriated native american gear flashing before me, I decided to catch the last 20 minutes of The Faint's set. To my extreme delight they played two of my favorite songs off of their Danse Macrabre album which was burned on a scratched up cd from my friend Donny Rox in high school.

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Perhaps quoting indie lyrics is me returning to my old self. I also just bought an exacto knife kit which I am very excited about. Can't wait to make stuff for people and surprise them through the mail.

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Along the waves of shifting moments will emerge an everlasting presence of understanding.