The Goodness.

The Goodness. The Goodness. The Goodness. The Goodness. The Goodness.



My goodness.

Motivation is a funny thing.

Comes out of nowhere sometimes!

Sometimes I itch to see the world.

Then I calm down and realize that there is a whole world outside my door. It is up to me to make the most of it, to feel it, and to absorb it for what it is.

What a mountain it's been.

Really don't know how to catch my breath or think or whatevers.

Ain't ever listen to anybody.

But myself.

Listening to colors.

This year many things happened to me. And I didn't realize it until I wrote it down. It's been really stressful, one full of transition personally and professionally and literally. Let's see:

Got a new laptop
Got new glasses
Got new phone
Got me a boyfriend (!)
Saw Metric (Twice)
Saw Zee Avi
Saw the L.A. River, Griffith Park
Visited Disneyland and California Adventure (for the first time!)
Visited the East Coast - 5 cities: D.C., Chicago, Baltimore, New York, Boston
Went to two music festivals
Saw Alabama Shakes
Bike ride around L.A.
Saw Charlyne Yi
Got a new job
Found an apartment
Jogged 4 miles
Workout with a trainer
Get eyebrows threaded
Moved to a new city
Applied to graduate school
Went to a hospital
Ran a parent program in SGV and LHS
Hiked to the Hollywood sign
Learned the magic of Happy Hour
Built a bookshelf
Discovered Little Tokyo

...TBA if the world doesn't end.

In a battle with myself.

Honestly, I get so tired of it.

#notabigdeal
Relax jeez.

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I figured out how to make my plant grow and not die anymore, it's called frequent watering. It wasn't more sun.  Go figure.

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Recently I adventured into the world of social media with my new devil soul sucking nifty phone. It makes my hands itch. The constant validation from likes is so fleeting but feels good. Hey look at my life through vintage lens! It's so great! I'm just bored out of my mind and this gives context and meaning to my life!

This is hard for me to cope with, especially when this is a way that everyone in America communicates. Surprise it not! There are parts of the world that don't do this - they don't take pictures of everything in their life, in fact, they don't even comment, or have facebook. These are the parts of the world I'd rather see than to spend my time posting things to be liked by others. But alas, SIGH, I am here in California, looking, swiping at an electronic device asking for validation from others instead of working on myself to gain real painful vulnerable validation from others. Social media will not make your soul grow - make note of that. It will allow you to share things and ideas with others in your life, which is a perk. People were telling me to post pictures, people were telling me to add instagram, people were happy that I was back on facebook. It's SO strange. What the fuck are we doing?

Books will make your soul grow. Music will. Love will. Laughing will. Conversations. Taking care of yourself. Sleeping. Making friends. Doing things for people. Hanging out with family. That will make your soul grow. And in this long life of ours, we have so much room and opportunities to make our soul grow, we just don't take advantage of it enough.

At the same time, I also say "Fuck it, stop thinking, be and live!"

GOT NOTHING TO LOSE.

A few months ago I adventured into the land of applying for grad school applications. It's slowly coming to a close, as I have about two more left to do. I've come to the sad, very sad realization that I will leave Los Angeles soon. I probably have about 6 months or so left of Los Angeles and I already feel my heart hurt a bit. Finally I have time to think, finally I have time to write, finally I don't have that huge stress on my shoulders anymore. Pretty overwhelming to suddenly have this sense of freedom. I'm back at square one, it feels like. Finally I get to go back to those things that I was working on before grad school applications, and try to work on them again.

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Trying to capture my life in an organized meaningful way.

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What makes you happy?
How do you overcome challenges to continue your pursuit of happiness?
How do you embrace those challenges as part of the happiness that comes into your life? 

The spirits flow.

I wonder if this is what happens when your brain has reached adulthood. When it has "fully" developed so to speak. Suddenly life is no longer as unstable and out of reach because your brain isn't developing per say.

Most things in life are tough.

 But the rewards are pretty sweet.

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Uncertainty can sadden one at times.

Feeling overwhelmed.

Because I cannot see clearly anymore.

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He asked me why I kept looking at him. I spent the last 6 months or so getting to know him... of course, I should know what he looks like. I suppose it was because I wasn't sure if he was real, so I decided to stare at him a bit longer than usual to see what he was.

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Do you ever get this feeling that you have no idea what you are doing?

What is.

is is is is is is is is is is is is.